The More Things Change, Part II

The More Things Change, Part II

The first part of this was written as an article for the RPG Times in 2005. Shortly after my birthday, and before September 11. In truth, it was written before August 29, 2005. Before the world I lived in changed forever. Now, as I sit here writing part two, two years later, I am faced with some of the same introspective emotions that plagued me then.

Now, I am about to turn 33. Yes, I will be advertising for Rolling Rock beer. And, yes, I have heard the jokes about crucifixion, crosses, Jesus, etc.. I half expect to hear a rooster crow the next time I hear one of those references about me. I keep denying that I am Christ. Which is the truth. I'm not, never claimed to be, never will be. But, all that aside, it really gets you to start thinking about where you are in life when you put things in that perspective.

And, like Part I, I am approaching a milestone of sorts - the anniversary of Katrina (that bitch). Admittedly, that last part is something that I have taken to doing when mentioning that name in the context in which I just used it. I have nothing against the name, directly, however, when you can't go home for 6 months because of a freaking wind storm, you tend to get a little bitter. Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that where I live, New Orleans, looks on August 29 as a day that will live in infamy, much like September 11 is for New Yorkers. And, like that event, there were ripples of emotion that swept the country. People felt for us, and the folks in New York, Washington D.C., and Pennsylvania. However, with time, that sympathy faded, and now, it is more of a "They're still complaining, I thought everything was fixed up."

Well, it isn't. Neither is New York. More importantly, beyond the physical buildings that still are not rebuilt, or demolished, the people that are here are suffering from emotional fatigue, post-traumatic stress, and general malaise. I would suspect that New York has some similar emotional problems, as well. As much as I would like to continue to draw parallels, I'm going to stop here, because I cannot speak to New York's situation directly. I can speak about my city and what has or has not happened in the past two years, as well as what has happened to me.
In the space of two short years, I have undergone two periods of unemployment, gotten married, been darned near broke, been forced out of my home, did temp work (sounds awfully familiar, right?). So, here I am, again, in a new job, working with new people I like, doing something that I love, and getting paid pretty well for it. I'm enjoying my hobbies again. I have new friends, and still maintain contact with the old friends, even the far flung ones. Again, I am on top of my game.

I'm not going to go into the gaming industry in general, as I have been out of the main loop for those two years. I stay on top of what I want to now, tightening my belt, so to speak, and not spending willy-nilly on everything that comes out that looks cool. I play a few of my old games, even in their new forms. I even plan to run a new RPG based on one of my favorite miniature games. But, that's where I'll leave gaming in this article.

That brings me back to me, the city, and things being pretty much the same as they have always been. And things change, as well. Two years ago, after Katrina, there were blue tarps on many roofs. I had a great view from my 36th floor office space. Now, when I look out from that same, or a substantially similar vantage point, I see many fewer tarps. That is good news. I also have driven to and through blighted areas. Many of them are still the same. There are work crews rebuilding some rental properties, some individual home owners have rebuilt. However, they are located right next to properties that may never see any repairs. The Corps of Engineers has rebuilt many levees, and added strength to others. Most of those changes will prevent the levee breaches that took over the city back then, however, the pumping capacity is not sufficient to overcome major rainfalls when the "surge protections" are in place. My opinion: we get another major storm, we'll end up under just as much water as before, except the home owners' insurance policies will be hard pressed to pull the same things they are pulling now - not paying out - because wind driven rain may not be excluded. But I digress, only slightly.

What is still the same is that many people are relying on the government to make everything better for them. There is a Louisiana Recovery Authority, organized by our illustrious Governor Blanco (we sometimes call her "Blank Stare", "Stanco", "Bobblehead" - after her middle name, Babineaux), which has done nothing short of promise things it cannot deliver. That group created the "Road Home" program, which paid an outside company WAY too much money with little result, except to not have enough to pay out the claims made by people wanting to return home. In addition, the hoops and hurdles to jump through to get this money are staggering. In short, people are waiting for money that will never come. The Feds aren't much help either. With the problems of getting back into regular housing, FEMA wants to get people out of trailers. Great. Where will they go? The long and the short of it all is that after two years, we are little more than where we were right after the water was pumped out. The upside is that other hurricane ravaged areas have taken a while to rebuild, as well. Florida is only now coming back to some level of normal following the summer of 4 storms. So, this is to be expected.

Our elected officials are being outed for illegal and questionable activity. Nothing new for Louisiana, home of the best politicians money can buy for two centuries. We have a Congressman who kept $90,000 in his freezer who expects us to think this is a normal sort of thing, even though everyone in Washington involved with the deal he has been tied to stated he was involved and took the money as a bribe to get what they wanted. We have a Senator who stepped out on his wife, and admitted it. One of the candidates for governor sold his home grown Louisiana business to an out of state insurance company's parent company (the insurance company has been engaged in fraudulent activities in Florida), taking a Louisiana business and making it a 'foreign' entity, possibly costing Louisiana residents their jobs at a time when we need to get and keep business here. We have a City Councilman just resigned under Federal indictment for a kickback scheme from 5 years ago. We have several judges that have been ousted for everything from letting criminals practically walk free while pending trial (bonds so low, they pretty much could walk right out) to running court from their house by telephone. We have a former Governor in prison for bribes/kickbacks that took no less than three U.S. Attorneys over 20 years to finally succeed in prosecuting him and gaining a conviction. We've had a lawyer embezzle $4 million from his firm. We even had a law student get busted for soliciting a minor for sex over the internet. That's right, we have it all down here. Sadly, anyone looking at the history of Louisiana will realize that this sort of thing has been the norm since we were founded. Again, the more things change...

So, where am I going with all of this, aside from ranting on about things that annoy me? I am simply saying that looking back on the past two years, I have seen some strange things that, under different circumstances might make me cringe, however, because of what I have seen and experienced, I think that now, I can finally say, I have been able to move past much of it, or at least learned how to deal with it. What do I mean? Well, prior to all of this, I was bopping along happily doing my job. Afterwards, folks elsewhere changed, lost their sympathy for our situation down here, and demanded things that, mentally, I was not quite ready to do. End result: I was looking for work the week before my wedding. I get back from the honeymoon, did temp work for my wife's boss, and then he runs out of money to pay me after 4 months. I'm out of work again. I land the job I'm in now. The first month is not quite what I was expecting, and then, the post-traumatic stress, depression and anxiety all kick in at once. I wallowed in it for about two weeks, then decided to do something about it. I was tired of things "being the same" and decided to have "things change". I called my doctor, got something for the anxiety. After two weeks, it really didn't help much for the depression, so I asked for anti-depressants. I began seeing a therapist, who made a recommendation on a better anti-anxiety pill. Now, both work well, and I have learned to deal with some of the root causes of things. Granted, I still have a long way to go, as there are some issues that go way back for me, but the post-K items are doing much better.

For anyone who knows me personally, the above was a major confession, and a major growth step for me, as saying things like that have never come easily for me, even talking to my closest friends and relatives. I guess that is part of the anonymity of the internet. I feel I can just put this out there. But, in some ways, it was necessary. Both to complete the circle from the article two years ago, and to get some things off my chest.

In the future, I don't expect to do much of this sort of thing, as I intend to try to keep this a fiction forum. However, I ran across Part I while cleaning up my thumb drives, and realized that not only was it never published, but, I never got around to Part II. So, I bring myself some closure here, as I intend to do with my writing in the future. I had to start somewhere. After all, I would like to make some changes without things remaining the same.

K