Yes, I have been absent from here for some time, yet again. First it was work, driving me up a wall, then, I went out of town for a few days. As usual, I have made a few observations.
First, work sucks. I love my job, and I really can’t think of a better place to be doing it, however, I hate getting up in the morning, busting ass all day, barely getting thanked for it (sometimes getting fussed at), and not getting any real extra cash from the deal. Yes, I get commission, however, I spend too many hours on other things at the office, so, I really am only just making up the difference to get some semblance of decent pay for the hours I put in. It rather does suck mightily.
Second, back pain and stiff joints are wonderful for a road trip. Now, you may be wondering how that could be, but, try driving 6 hours after a full day of work like I’ve just described, racing to get things done on time before going out of town, and then packing in a rush, and you will see how right I am. At 2 AM, when you are ready to go to sleep, that same pain that prevents it when at home, does wonders for keeping focused on the road. At least it did for me. Painkiller will only diminish this effect, and therefore lead to sleep. Not good on a long drive.
Third, I miss my Dad. Now this was a bit of a shock how I came to the realization, but, bear with me on this. I was looking forward to going to visit him and see the NASCAR race at Talladega Superspeedway. He got remarried last December, at a time when I could not be there because of other travel plans. He came down to work the golf tournament here in New Orleans last year, but was considering not working it again, because his new wife could not take time off from work, and our job assignment was turning to crap. The assignment was cleared up, letting us only work the weekend, and suddenly, now they are both going to be coming down to work the tournament. All of this was before I went to the race this past weekend. Also, virtually every time I wanted to call him, he was either out with her on errands, or at the Pub, drinking, and would stop the conversation with me to take a shot of schnapps. This had been getting worse leading up to this weekend. Now, on race weekend, I expected it to be night after night pf partying at the Pub, just like it was last year. Not a surprise on that one. And, the Pub was closing after race weekend, so, it was going to be "a party to end all parties". Or so I thought. Things started out about like they typically did last year (the year before, our first trip to the race, Dad did not know of the Pub’s existence, so, we did not go there then). The band started, we were drinking, and starting to have a good time. I was not looking forward to having that good of a time, as my Dad and step-mother were acting all cutesy, lovey-dovey. Very annoying to watch (my apologies for every time I have done that to someone else while I was dating someone). Just when I was about to lose hope for any sort of fun for the weekend, in walked another regular of the Pub - a young lady about ten years my junior - who knew Dad from the Pub. He introduced us, and we had a great time talking, drinking and joking around. It was nice to have someone closer to my age that was not there with anyone else so that we could converse without (at least from my perspective) feeling like a third wheel. This was a good thing. Since I am married, I decided to treat her like my fun sister-in-law (my wife’s youngest sister). The evening went along, with Dad taking pictures, me drinking lots of vodka and beer, and us all having a pretty good time. I drove us home (as I was the most sober amongst the three of us - Dad, my step-mother, and myself), and the next day was the first day at the races. Dad fawned over my step-mother the whole day. Semi-nauseating to watch. We went back to the Pub for the second night. More of the same, the girl from the previous night was there, and she brought a friend. We all had a good time, I danced some (had plenty of liquid courage), took more pictures, hung out with the band, drunk the roadie under the table, etc.. Another good night for me, but, I was mostly drinking to not think about the situation with Dad. Saturday was a repeat of Friday, but, without as much drinking - too many nights in a row of things, plus, it was a downer of a night, as it was the last night the Pub would be open. Everyone was grabbing posters of the drivers, and such that were decorations. The only real people there were the regulars, and a couple of out of towners. The Pub owner had a falling out with his girlfriend, so the young lady and her friend (from the previous night) were invited to go to the race the next day, and we all rode together, so the day was not that bad for me - something to distract me from the sap fest - in general. Now, I have said all this to lay the foundation for the revelation I made earlier: I miss my Dad. This trip, I did not get to have any alone time with him, like on previous trips. The first was just the two of us, and last year, a guy he used to work with and his son came up, so it was a dual father-son event, and we all had a good time. This year, I was the third wheel, and I got mad at myself for not asserting that I wanted some alone time with him. It also bothered me that there were total strangers who got to spend more time with him than I did anymore. When I got home (after some construction nightmares driving home), I called to let him know I got in OK, and he was already lit up like a Christmas tree, the Pub owner was over at his house, and the girl I had been hanging out with had stopped by earlier. I was livid, and, after not seeing my wife for 5 days, I went on a rant when she got home. I had to get it out of my system.
I have to talk to him when he is not drunk, is not around my step-mother, and get all of this off my chest. I think I will feel much better when I do.
I think that will be enough for today’s entry. More will follow later.
K
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
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